WHEN THE SPARKS FLY IN YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP EXPLAINED Preached on 1st JUNE, 2008 by The Son of Man
(Apostle Peter Odoemena) At THE HOUSEHOLD OF GOD ONITSHA
Marriage is not a bed of roses; marriage can only be a pleasurable journey through life if the couples are well informed.
-Son of Man
CHAPTER 1
MARRIAGE IS A MINISTRY
Brethren, remain blessed. Please, there should be real quietness in the Camp. Our problem is that each time the Word of God is preached, we find it difficult to personalize what we hear; we try to shift the Message to some people as if all is well with us.
2. And the people that are really guilty that need to be pitied—families whose conditions were x-rayed and diagnosed—they are the very people that normally shift these Messages to somebody else. At the end of it all, you will go home with your problems unsolved.
3. To the youths, you don’t know where you are yet. But very soon, you will begin to recognize where you are. There must be a destination in life; life must take you somewhere and when you get there, you will know you have arrived there—whether you like it or not.
4. Many a time, I come here and wed couples before innumerable witnesses; I have never for one day seen them nagging in my presence. During their wedding, you simply look at their faces; you see smiles, everybody jubilating; witnesses jubilating. But one, two, three, four years from there, you begin to look at the people you joined in wedlock with their faces beaming with smiles, you cannot imagine what their faces look like anymore. Those smiles will vanish; apathy will set in—strong hatred for one another, intolerance, hostility, both parties becoming hostile to each other.
5. You come and see hot disputing, wild disagreements, reckless and unguided statements exchanged between them, provocative utterances all unchecked. You begin to wonder: “What is really wrong? Could it be that a girl and a boy came to the altar to declare themselves husband and wife?”
6. Furthermore, I have looked into it seriously; I am not blaming God but blaming those people that are involved. Hear me very well; whatever ruins your ministry in the Faith of the Son of Man must ruin your ministry as a husband or as a wife.
7. How many know by revelation that marital life is a ministry? How many sees marriage—either man or woman—as a ministry that must be fulfilled with joy? If it is not a ministry, you don’t mention anything “shipwreck” around it.
8. Because marriage is a ministry, somebody is “bound to make a shipwreck” of his marital ministry—man or woman. Some are likely to make full proof of their ministries.
9. Saint Paul was encouraging Timothy to strive to make full proof of his ministry. The same way, if you see your marital relationship with your wife as a “ministry” and your wife sees it as her ministry, both of you will strive earnestly to do everything within your power to make full proof of your ministries, making sure that nobody will look down on you.
10. Nothing damages the reputation of a man more than shipwreck in his marital ministry. It is also applicable to a woman. How many by revelation, see marriage as “a calling” in Christ? If your marriage with your wife is not by election, it is by condition. Your marriage to your husband or wife must either be by election or by condition.
11. “Conditional marriages” do not last; they are human associations that are likely to break up any time; but “elected marriages” stand firm. How do you know an elected marriage? There must always be agreement in disagreement.
12. Once there is agreement in disagreement, that marriage is an elected marriage; but once there is disagreement in disagreement, it is a conditional marriage: “If there will be disagreement let there be; if we should part, let us part. The day you knew me was the day I knew you. Did I fall from the blues? You think I don’t have parents? You think I do not have pedigree?”
13. Once you begin to hear these vulgar statements, noxious comments, stinking and irritating utterances, it is a sure sign that the marriage is conditional. It’s never elected.
14. If your marriage is an elected marriage, it then means it is “a calling,” for there couldn’t be any other person that is fitted for that “calling” than you, whether man or woman. Once it is an elected marriage, no man is fitted to be the husband to that Sister or to that woman but you; no other woman is suitable to fill that gap except that woman you are living with.
15. Once you see it by revelation as “a calling” in Christ, you must constantly strive to make sure at all times that your “calling and election” stand sure.
16. When Saint Paul was talking about marriage— relationship between the Church and Christ—he likened it to a relationship between a man and his wife.
16. It is this non-recognition of marriage as a ministry from God, which you should be grateful to God who has found you worthy, putting you into that ministry, for there are so many that are desiring to be put into that ministry, but no way.
17. Physically, they are qualified; academically, they are qualified; socially, they are qualified, yet are not been put into that ministry. A CALL TO MARRIAGE IS A WORTHY CALLING.
18. Once you are called into marriage, it is a worthy calling. “Worthy is he that is counted worthy to be called into the marriage supper of the Lamb.”
19. Many dabbled into marriage without knowing what marriage is all about.
20. To you youths, see yourselves as privileged people that are being furnished ahead of time; your are being equipped, your minds being prepared, made ready for such a great task which has cost the lives of many.
21. Many have died because of marriage, both men and women. And the Lord is preparing you ahead of time, so that when you get into it, you will always be happy with God. There is no aspect of it that will put you off because you have been grounded and rooted in the truth about it before you ever ventured into it.
22. I thank God for our Pastor this morning. If I knew he will go to this extent, I would have come here with yesterday’s Vanguard Newspaper.
23. There is a column there in the Newspaper where a woman features every Saturday, and she talks to her fellow women concerning their relationships with their husbands. Her publications, that of yesterday was very, very interesting—a continuation of last two weeks’ publication.
24. The woman was commanding her womenfolk to check the foundation of their marriages; that most of the behaviour they manifest in their families can be traced to the foundations in their parental homes before they got married; that they simply inherited bad examples. Nevertheless, she made a suggestion, she said, “But prayer can break it.”
25. That habit which you take delight in, which is considered an abomination by your husband, prayer can break it. If you have that paper, you can go through it. I don’t normally read it, especially that column where they normally write “RELATIONSHIPS”—I don’t normally read it. But the caption yesterday attracted my attention.
26. Watch what we heard this morning, by way of putting us in remembrance; it is like what Bishop Nnachor, I mean under the anointing of the Holy Spirit aired here on Wednesday. He said that there is no aspect of our life activities God has not touched; that what He is doing now is putting us in remembrance, lest we forget and begin to make costly mistakes.
27. He wished that Brethren could use the “same zeal” they used in “studying” the Bible under the Law—both men and women alike—to study all the Messages to a point that whenever a statement is made, we will know where to get it in the Messages we are holding.
28. He used Apostle Kelechi and Brother Amamkem as examples. He said that nobody could make a statement from the Bible without these two Brothers telling you the quotation immediately, that is the same way we should handle our Messages and I said “Amen” to it.
29. If these things we have been hearing from the beginning can be in us and abide, we shall be fruitful in all our ways. Our children will be fruitful; we won’t be having problems. Amen.
Whenever trouble sets into your marriage, remember the first day you married—what and what you discussed. Any day you forget “that day,” your marriage has crashed landed; that is if you are sincere that first day. -Son of Man
CHAPTER 2
THINGS THAT LED A MAN TO MARY
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wish to read something there, but before then, I want to ask us questions, which we heard this morning: Are we really married to each other? How are we convinced that we are really married to each other? What and what are the reasons for which cause a man went and married a woman? What inspired a man to get married? What was the intention of the man when he took people with his hard-earned money to marry a wife? This purpose for which the man has gotten himself into marriage, does he find it in his wife?
2. If the answer is “no,” did the man really marry a wife? You see, your answer is cold.
3. Let me repeat what I said: Why does a child go to school? Has he nothing in mind? If after going to school and he comes back empty-handed without the purpose for which he went to school, did that child actually go to school? One that didn’t go to school is even better than that child.
4. This is because that child has gone to lavish money in vain, wasted precious time and came out empty-handed. A man has purposes, which led him into marriage. Number one is FATIGUE— the man is tired of living alone. After daily activities, sometimes, he goes to bed with hunger. My people, am I telling lies?
5. If a man marries a wife and all the routine domestic chores he did as a bachelor remain, is he truly married? After his daily endeavour, if he comes back home and goes to bed on an empty stomach, does it make sense engaging marital affairs? Number one aim is completely defeated.
6. Number two is COMPANIONSHIP. The man wants somebody with whom he can share ideas and fellowship because it is not good for a man to stay alone.
7. Can a tree make a forest? If a man is married, he bears it in mind that he now has someone with whom he can share his daily experiences. If he then comes back home to meet the “unwelcome face” of his wife; he faces the wall at night, the wife also, in like manner, faces the wall; can we say that this man is married to a wife?
8. What he kept at home is a mere stone—a very big stone that always constitutes a stumbling to him. What should be done to it? It shall be lifted with two hands and carefully discarded into the oblivion.
9. Yes! Listen to me, in the time of ignorance God over looked. Who doesn’t know the state of affairs of his family? Our Brother made a statement through the Power of the Holy Ghost that what we do is deliberate. Nobody n this Faith will say that he is not conscious of his actions.
10. Do you normally place food on your head in order to feed your mouth? Don’t you know the position of your mouth? All we do is intentional, both man and woman. For that reason, there is no other excuse anybody can give that will be acceptable in the sight of God.
11. The only reason you can give is: if you know where you came from, kindly go back through the same way. Finish. Are you getting me?
12. If you are married to a man, it becomes clear to you that you are married; you came into the matrimonial home of the man and found out that you made a mistake, instead of wrecking havoc there, kindly go back to where you came from so that you will give the man a chance to find who is well fitted and best to fill the position.
13. By this, you will also find one fitted to you and peace will reign. It will be a very unpleasant situation for you to find yourself in a position whereby you don’t want to go, yet you don’t want to stay.
14. Stay, so that peace will reign, no! Leave, so that the man will have peace and find another wife, no! Will you refuse to go and at the same time refuse to stay? Amen.
Once you are called to marriage, it is a good thing. Remember, life is not life until it is advancing. Therefore, marriage is advancement…See every problem that comes into your marriage as a test.
-Son of Man
CHAPTER 3
REVEALING THE TRUTH BRINGS THE FUTURE NEARER – REVIEWED
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lease follow me spiritually. What I want to read is not a new thing, but before then, I want to plead with all of you. Our Deacon Sam reminded me of a Message I preached some years ago when I touched on the Message: “ENVY AND JEALOUSY, EVIDENCE OF ACCEPTANCE OF FAILURE.” He presented the thing to me the Message I preached on the 7th of March, 2004.
2. Please, help me go through your jotters when you get home. See whether you can find this Message in your Jotters. The title of the Message is “REVEALING THE TRUTH BRINGS THE FUTURE NEARER.”
3. Revealing the truth brings the future nearer. I am interested in that Message. There is a sub-heading there that says: “Nine Reasons Why People Are Disappointed In The Ministry Of The Son Of Man.”
4. Nine reasons why people feel disappointed in the Ministry of the Son of Man; number one:
i. INSINCERITY OF PURPOSE—Insincerity of purpose;
ii. JOINING THE FAITH WITH WRONG MOTIVES— coming and identifying with this Faith with wrong motives;
iii. HYPOCRISY;
iv. IMPATIENCE;
v. SUSPICION;
vi. OVER ESTIMATION OF THE MINISTRY OF THE SON OF MAN;
vii. LEADERSHIP TUSSLE;
viii. ENVY;
ix. JEALOUSY.
5. How many can remember this Message? I repeat: How many can remember the Message “REVEALING THE TRUTH BRINGS THE FUTURE NEARER?”
6. As many that have been with me in this Ministry all these years, if we can go home and think about these “nine reasons,” we will notice that these have been the major reasons why people feel disappointed in this Ministry.
7. Once these nine things can be traced to you, you must make shipwreck of this Ministry. Number one is Insincerity; number two is Joining The Faith With Wrong Motives; number three is Hypocrisy; number Four is Impatience; number five is Suspicion; number six is Over Estimation Of The Ministry; number seven is Leadership Tussle; number eight is Envy; number nine is Jealousy.
8. Victor Ugwu and Mike Udoh, you are both good for nothing, and you want to run a very good family—constantly blaming your wives when you should be blamed. Young men like you, watch your fellow men, you see them holding their pens and their jotters. Who has ever seen Victor Ugwu with a jotter here for one day? He has nothing to record because he is here as an observer; he feels his brain is so magnetic that it can capture everything.
9. And because he doesn’t have a jotter, how can his wife have a jotter? It’s impossible. You are observing what is happening; your wife is also observing. When you get home, you have nothing you can fall back on; I mean something to rehearse as it affects your own family. You have nothing you can even leave as treasure for your children. No wonder you don’t have any family altar; like husband, like wife. Amen.
10. So please, look for this Message in your jotter. If you see it, bring it to me on Wednesday; I will like to bring it out in book form. I believe this Message must contain something that will guide us in the future. Amen.
Marriage is a great task that has caused the death of many. When you are acquainted with God’s truth about marriage, you will always be happy and grateful. -Son of Man
CHAPTER 4
THE BACKGROUND
Now, before we conclude this Sunday school, I want to talk on a topic that is being avoided by everybody; yet, it is documented in our Message books for our own good. Follow me to “FAMILY MENU VOLUME ONE,” the opening page there. It says, ”To be godly is to be obedient, to be obedient is to be peaceful, to be peaceful is to be successful, and that leads to longevity!”
2. Please, put your name there. My name is there already. You want to live long? You want to be successful? You want to be peaceful? The remedy lies in obedience. If you obey and you are still troubled, you have not obeyed. If you obey from your heart, you obey willingly, not by persuasion, not by condition, not by force, you will be peaceful within—you must be peaceful within.
3. But if somebody uses force on you, exercising authority over you, compelling you to obey whether you like it or not, you can never be peaceful. You must grumble; you must murmur; you must grudge, your eyes will be filled with hatred because from the beginning, you never made up your mind to obey.
4. But when you make up your mind to obey in all things, praise be to God. No wonder God told us that one of the steps by which we can get His blessings is total obedience; He gave us those Messages as a test to see whether we can be obedient in all things, which He shall command us to do.
5. Remember, God is not talking to everybody. Some have made up their minds never to obey and no matter the way you present it, to them, it is useless nonsense. They have vowed a vow within themselves on how they will live their lives. So, whatever you are saying, that concerns you and your people. It doesn’t bother them.
6. Yes, the “fear of God” is not in such people. And whosoever feareth the Word, the Lord, to him is the Word of God sent. If you know you fear God, what I am going to read concerns you. If you don’t fear God, it doesn’t concern you.
7. Follow me to “FAMILY MENU VOLUME ONE,” page 53. The block word: “There can never be peace in any family where the wife finds it very difficult to obey her husband’s words quickly and quietly without grumbling and without challenging the man’s words or instruction with the pretext that she is asking him a question.”
8. “FAMILY MENU VOLUME ONE,” chapter two: “When The Sparks Fly In Your Marital Relationship.”
9. If anybody in this Faith should tell us that there has never been an occasion when sparks flew in his marriage, in his marital relationship, that person is the greatest of all liars. For that reason, I don’t need to begin to describe what I mean by “the sparks flying.”
10. No matter how angelic you may claim to be, at one time or the other, there has been a day, a moment, when the sparks flew so high that Amazing Grace saved the situation. It could have been explosive, but Amazing Grace stepped in. To some, it is a regular occurrence; to some, it has become a permanent condition in their homes—the sparks are not flying in, the sparks are now there residing. Amen.
21. Hear me very well, the most unfortunate man or woman in life is not one that is not married, but one that has married, but takes delight in trouble-making; one who doesn’t know the value of peaceful co-existence; somebody whose hobby in life is trouble-making. If she sees the husband happy, she feels sad. She will ever be happy whenever the husband is angry.
22. If the husband sees the wife happy, he feels very angry; his joy will only come when his wife is unhappy. The most unfortunate thing, unfortunate condition, situation a human being can find himself in, is to live under the same roof with a sadist— one who takes pleasure in provoking others to wrath.
23. Moreover, God saw this ahead of time and decided to give the remedy to us as His sons and daughters.
24. Remember, the aim of the Message is to make our families to become paradise on earth and the Lord said that paradise is an atmosphere; paradise is an atmosphere of peace; hell is also an atmosphere devoid of peace. There is no eternal atmosphere. Whatever God created is eternal. It will take the husband and wife to create eternal atmosphere in their family.
25. So whatever atmosphere you have created in your family, is what we call hell or heaven because “as you make your bed, so shall you lie on it.” Can you pour sand on your bed-sheet and lie on it and expect to have a comfortable sleep?
26. Please follow me gradually. I want to back up the teaching we heard this morning. I believe if we have lined up with this truth, by now, we should be gathering only to praise God and go away. By now, we would have gone far on the Message titled: “INVESTMENT.”
27. What is hindering this Message is the fact that there is no “confidence” in our marital relationship; “confidence” has not been created. How can there be confidence when we are not co-existing peacefully? We are living in suspicion, suspecting and accusing each other. We are living in conflict with each other.
28. Then, how can we begin to talk about investment? We are pinning ourselves on the ground. God is not holding us. You want to live long? You want to live in paradise? The secret lies in obeying God’s Word.
29. To be obedient is to be peaceful. I don’t know what will make a man run mad when his wife obeys him. Have you ever seen a man who felt offended because his wife obeyed him? I mean, your wife obeyed you and you slapped her or you began to make noise.
30. Sometimes, our wives feel very much cheated. They feel we are passing the blame on them. That’s why I want to read something. Cleanse your minds of any form of pollution. Let us face the stark realities of life. Enough is enough.
31. All of us cannot be guilty at the same time—but a little leaven—leaveneth the whole lump. After all, your character is influencing somebody. May God help us.
YOUR LIFE IS TIED TO YOUR MARRIAGE
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want to repeat that same place. “There can never be peace in any family where the wife finds it very difficult”—underline it everybody—“There can never be peace in any family where the wife finds it very difficult to obey her husband’s words quickly and quietly without grumbling and without challenging the man’s words or instruction with the pretext that she is asking him a question.”
33. Who made this statement? I say who made this statement? Your response doesn’t show that you are answering by revelation.
34. Saint Paul was commending the people of Thessalonica because when they heard the Words of God from Paul whom God sent to them, they never received them as words of men, but as Words of God, which actually are what the words were.
35. And because of the way they received it, it worked essentially in them that received the Word. Remember, each time the Word of God goes forth, those that were ordained to be saved are the people that pay heed to that Word. The rest won’t.
36. The Lord can save your marriage today and then save your life. If you don’t know, know it now.
37. Once you are married, your life is tied to your marriage. Once you are married, your life is strongly tied to your marriage. If you believe it, say amen.
38. If you think your life is not connected to your marriage, you are fooling yourself. Until you see your life as something that cannot be separated from your family, you can never be very careful about the way you run your family.
39. I don’t know how many people that have read this portion—both men and women.
40. “There can never be peace”—note, there can never be success, there can never be longevity, there can never be paradise; where there is no obedience, success cannot be there; peace cannot be there; longevity cannot be there. There can never be peace in any family. Whether it is yours or mine, there can never be peace in that family.
41. In the Son of Man’s family, there can never be peace; in Brother Victor’s family; Brother Kelechi’s family, Pastor Dan’s family, Brother Egbuna’s family, Papa Uwakwe’s family, Papa Nzegbu’s family, everybody’s family, there can never be peace there as long as your wife finds it very difficult to obey your words and your instructions “quickly and quietly” without grumbling and without challenging your word or instruction with the “pretext” that she is asking a question: “Let me ask you, what you are saying, is it… please, don’t be annoyed what you meant, is it this? Yes, I agree with what you said, but let me ask you.”
42. Once you believe and you obey “but” vanishes. Once there is “but,” there is no obedience: “I agree, but; I’ve obeyed, but.”
43. All I am trying to say is this, Saint Paul said, “If anybody disobeys our words, he does not disobey us, he disobeys God who has given us the earnest of His Spirit, for whosoever God sends speaks the Word of God. When you refuse he that is sent, you have refused He that sent him, for we stand in the Presence of God as we speak His Word. We don’t pretend to be your friends by flattering you or by collecting money and gifts from you. By manifestation of the truth, in every man’s conscience, we present the Word of God as we received it from Him unadulterated.”
44. Sisters pay attention to me—married or unmarried. God said and I quote: The atmosphere prevalent in any family is dictated by the wife (the woman) in that family for she is the manager of the home. She is the one that will determine whether the atmosphere will be peaceful or not.
45. If a woman wants to make the family hot, unbearable, uncomfortable, she must do it. She has everything in her armory to upset everything in the home.’ That’s why, from time to time, you see a man running away from the family. Check your parents; check the behaviour of your parents; your neighbours, friends and well-wishers; check your own family.
MARRIAGE IS A BONDAGE
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ear me very well; there is a rampant statement we hear often: “If you don’t take your time, in fact anything you want, I will give it to you now, everybody will hear our voices now. If you want us to disgrace ourselves, we will disgrace our selves now.” Who normally makes this nasty statement? The man or the woman? I said the man or the woman? This nasty statement has always been heard from women.
47. In other words, they brag on something they should be ashamed of. Any man who takes delight in the neighbours coming into the house to separate him from his wife in a fight or in a quarrel is a beast. I say, that man is a beast. But a woman takes delight in such a thing.
48. Watch a man; nobody dies in silence more than a man. How many have discovered it? Nobody dies in silence more than a man because, as a man, he endures everything. He wants to convince everybody that nobody forced him into marriage, but women will always like to prove to everybody that she married a beast, how? By living in abject disobedience to her husband’s words.
49. I want to say it once again, though you once knew it and have been established in the present truth. Any woman that hates “bondage” shouldn’t get into marriage; any man that hates “bondage” shouldn’t venture into marriage because once you marry, you are in bondage. You don’t behave anyhow anymore. You don’t talk anyhow; you now have restrictions in everything. You are restricted from certain behaviour.
50. All your actions and utterances must be brought under scrutiny; everything around you must be scrutinized starting from your dressing to your mode of speech. Even your style of walking, your suit, your eating habit, everything must be brought under scrutiny. But when you were alone, an independent fellow, you were not accountable to anybody.
51. So, if you are a woman and you think you are in bondage, your husband is in bondage more than you are. We must have this “balanced view” and see whether these obstacles can be removed from the families of the children of God.
52. If you are living with your husband in disagreement before you came into this Ministry and you have stayed more than three months in this Faith and that disagreement remains there, you are an unbeliever of all unbelievers—you and your wife.
53. This is because once you believe, change will come. Until you believe, change will not come. Truth is not truth until it is put into practice. The desired result will not be achieved if it is not put into practice.
THE POWERS IN A WOMAN
Hear me well; why people feel disappointed in the Son of Man’s Ministry, what make people make shipwreck in the Ministry of the Son of Man is the same things that make them make shipwreck in their marital relationships. Number one is Insincerity; number two is joining the faith with wrong motive; number three is hypocrisy; number four is impatience with the husband, impatience with the wife. Number five is suspicion; number six: over estimation of the ministry; number seven is leadership tussle—the man wants to lead, the woman wants to lead, but one person is the leader.
55. There can never be two leaders at the same time. One is the leader, the other one is the assistant. One is the leader, the other one is the deputy leader. There can never be two Senate Presidents at the same time. One is the president while the other one is the vice—in all, all of them are presidents; they are all in authority, but one is the president the other one is the assistant president.
56. The moment the assistant wants to be the president and the president doesn’t want to move away from the position, the boat will stop moving; I mean the boat of the nation will stop moving.
57. Watch, in the family where the woman wants to rule or does not recognize the leadership of the man, the boat of that family becomes grounded. The boat of that family comes to a halt; nothing moves well in that family anymore.
58. Watch the atmosphere there—hear me well—the Lord said that the atmosphere prevalent in every family is dictated by the woman. If she wants to make life unbearable, she will do it; she wants to make that family paradise on earth, she will do it. She has the instruments at her disposal. It is her ministry. The man cannot do it because every effort of the man can be thwarted by the wife in one second.
59. Hear me very well, every effort of the man can be thwarted by the wife in less than one second— one single reaction. She may not utter a word; just a single anti-social behaviour will shatter everything. The man will be on the defensive; she puts the man on the defensive.
60. Let me tell you something: when a man is angry in the house, nobody is angry. Check the family; we all came from families. The moment a man is angry in the family, everybody will be laughing at him.
61. I remember my family, whenever my father was angry; he made a hell of noise. We used to hear him callout: “Cathy, you are mad! Cathy, Cathy.” All of us will be laughing. My mother will be laughing too. But once my mother was angry, eeeeh! The entire house would be on fire. My father would run into the house. All of us would go into hiding.
62. If my father is angry—let me tell you— there was a day my father was really sad because I cut down his orange tree. He threatened fire and brimstone. Everybody started laughing at him including my wife and my children. My mother was just laughing. When I came back, they told me that my father was angry with me. I laughed also because to me, nobody was angry. It is easier to calm down a man’s anger than to calm down that of a woman.
63. In short, let me tell you, no man on earth has ever succeeded in calming down a woman’s anger. A woman brings down her anger because she wants to.
64. Hear me very well, let no man ever fool you that it is because you begged your wife, you hugged your wife or you bought this and that, that is why, at least, she calmed down, na lie. She didn’t calm down; rather, you made things worse. After all your effort, she misinterprets everything, claiming that you are bribing her. A woman calms down her anger, her wrath because she wants to.
65. Now, when does she calm down? It is the moment she sees the uselessness, uselessness of her anger. She calms down afterwards. But for you as a man to tell her that it is unprofitable for one to be angry, you will incur her wrath more and more.
66. Please follow me spiritually, I am heading somewhere. Amen.
67. Nobody has ever slapped his wife because he is angry, but men have been guilty of slapping their wives because of what comes out of their mouths. If it contains truth, say amen.
68. Does her being slapped ever check the excesses of your wife? Let me tell you, slapping hardens her heart the more. Slap her the first day, the second day, she will slap back. The second day, she will slap back and even hold you hostage until you start begging her.
69. You will only beg her for that moment to go away, but when you come back, you will get into court. The court will not cease until you accept that you are guilty without reason. If you say you are guilty with reason, the court will still continue. I must highlight the condition before I go into this Message properly.
70. If we are confirming that it is true—it is true—it does this and that; we are admitting that we are wasting our time hearing what we cannot put into practice. What is the essence of preaching the word you cannot practice; acquiring the knowledge you cannot implement? It becomes poisonous.
71. It is in the power of every woman to dictate the condition of the atmosphere that will be prevalent in any family at any given time. If she wants it to be paradise—very beautiful and dandy—I bet you, she will make it. If she wants it to be hell on earth, I mean real hellfire, she will do it.
72. That is why from time to time, you hear them making the statement: “Whatever you want, you will get it now.” And really, whatever you want, you will get it. If you want death, death will strike in that family. After all, the life of everyone in the family is entrusted into the hands of the woman of the house. How many believe that?
73. The life of every soul in the family is divinely entrusted into the hands of the woman in that house; from the least to the greatest. If your wife wants to starve you, she will starve you. Am I telling lies? If she wants to starve you, she will starve you.
74. If she wants you to eat, you will eat. Whether you believe it or not, you must provide for the food; you must bring out money for that food; yet, she will gain possession of the money and still starve you. If you refuse to bring out that money, you will disgrace yourself in the neighbourhood. Amen.
75. There is one funny thing about women. I want to generalize things before I get into the Message proper.
76. Please follow me gradually.
77. Do you know that women attract more sympathy from the public than men? Do you know that? That is why it is easier to see a woman that is being cheated by her husband than to see a man that is being cheated by his wife. If you want to doubt me, quarrel with your wife and allow people to hear it.
78. Without even knowing the cause, they will condemn you as a man and there is no defense you can put that will save you. Then foolish women, not daughters of God, will capitalize on that nonsense to perpetrate evil in their homes. Paradise is an atmosphere; hell is an atmosphere and this atmosphere is in the hands of the wife in that family.
79. Watch, in a family where there is real peace, trace the cause of that peace, the woman is holding it in her hands. You see the man looking good, you see the children looking very good, trace who is behind it, you will see the wife. You see a man wearing red eyes, you see the children looking emaciated, money might be there, trace it, you find the wife behind it.
80. I don’t want to see women holding hand fans. Sister Amobi drop yours immediately. You cannot sweat more than I. Brothers, drop yours also. Sometimes, these hand fans can be deceitful. It might be another way of fanning away the Word. If there is anybody that deserves the use of a hand fan, I am the one.
81. Maybe you think I am talking to you because my family is in trouble. My family is not in trouble, but this trouble exists somewhere and the Ministry is being blamed. For every problem in your family, the Ministry of the Son of Man is blamed. There is nothing wrong with the Ministry; but something is wrong with those that call themselves members of the Ministry; holding glorious Messages which they do not obey. Amen.
Obedience should be willingly and not by force or compel or condition. Once your obedience is not as a result of willingness to obey, you have not obeyed. So be obedient in all things.
-Son of Man
CHAPTER 5
THERE IS NEED FOR OBEDIENCE
The Lord gave a Message: “OBEDIENCE IS BETTER THAN SACRIFICE.” What is the essence of your dancing about, rejoicing when you cannot obey the Word of God? What type of miracle are you expecting to happen? The highest miracle that will happen in your life, in your family is the miracle of obedience. When you obey, the miracle will happen. Is it not true?
2. Watch the woman that owed debt. Jesus commanded the woman to fill everywhere with oil. When she obeyed, a miracle happened. Watch the blind man Jesus asked to go and wash his eyes in the river; when he obeyed, a miracle happened. Watch Nahman, the Syrian; he was commanded to go and wash in the river. When he obeyed, a miracle happened.
3. I am saying that no miracle can happen in unbelief. In other words, God will bless us in everything, but will not bless us in unbelief. An unbeliever is an idolater. An unbeliever is a pagan; an unbeliever is unprofitable in all things. He is not even a human being; a half-made human being is better than an unbeliever. I have not opened up the Message.
4. I am still considering the nugget: “There can never be peace in any family where the wife finds it very difficult to obey the husband’s words quickly and quietly.”
5. If you go to the Bible, in the book of Ephesians, the Lord said—when He was addressing Timothy— that: “Every man of God must have a family where his wife and children will obey him quickly and quietly.” Is it not a historical account in the Bible? Is it not true?
6. Today, how many of us can boast of having wives and children who can obey us quickly and quietly; not obeying us whenever they want?
7. “I have heard you, but eeh! let me go and come back before I do it, after all, it is not yet dark. A little while, you will start making noise even when it is not yet dark. Leave it, it shall be done! It shall be done!” When shall it be done? When shall it be done?
8. You send her on another errand, she will say, “This has been your habit all the while, always directing and commanding on this or that.” Who are all these being directed to?
9. Let me tell you, we have failed woefully. We have to accept it. How many know that a husband of every woman is the god of that woman? I mean that the husband of every woman is the god of that woman. Is it not your Message?
10. If you take delight in disobeying your husband; you are a troublemaker, a hater of peace. A popular dictum stipulates that: “He that knows what brings about quarrelling should avoid it.”
11. Check every problem in every family, it has always emanated as a result of disobedience to the man’s word. A man wants something to be in a particular order, but the wife opposes it and says it shall not be so. The woman feels “too big” to listen to the voice of her husband. Sometimes, she even feels that her husband is not her class.
12. Let me tell you, the reason why many find it difficult to have husbands today is very obvious. Ladies of today are no longer looking for a man that will marry them. They are looking for a man they will marry and control.
13. The clothes the man will wear, she will sew them. The shoes the man will put on, she will buy. If she tells him to sit down, he sits. If she equally tells him to go away, he goes away. If she likes, she may even turn the man into a houseboy: “My dear, if you finish bathing these kids, you wash my clothes for me. After that, go to the market. I kept the list on the table. Go to the market and buy foodstuffs. When I get back, I will prepare the soup.” Who was given these commands? A man; a full-fledged man. This is the type of thing the man wants.
14. Yes, why do I say so? This is because nowadays, men do not look for wives anymore. They just want women who will make them multi-millionaires. Will she give you money and respect you? It is very difficult. A woman cannot feed you and respect you. It can’t happen. Any day a woman starts feeding you, that is the very day you start receiving the insults attached to the feeding. Amen.
15. Go outside and see what is happening. Women are going about looking for men they will marry. Besides, the only condition they are giving is this: “If you can come to my parents with one jar of palm wine, tell my people your intention to marry me—that is all you need. Come the next day, let us go to the bank—come and take the money.”
16. The foolish man will just go there and rope himself into a problem he cannot wriggle out from.
17. Please follow me gradually. I want to read something here.
18. How many love peace here? How many will like peace to reign in their families? Since peace is associated with success; is associated with longevity, how many will like peace to reign in their homes? You see, God can never put peace in your home. You are the one that will institute peace in your home. God can never put trouble in any man’s home. All these things are in the power of your hands.
19. Since you now know—as a woman—that saying “no” or disagreeing with your husband’s words will always generate conflicts, but obedience to his words will usher in peace, if I were in your shoes and I want peace in my family, whatever that thing is, I will obey even if the instruction is contrary to my lifestyle. I must re-adjust myself.
20. The Holy Ghost asked us a question: “Who should obey who in every family? Is it the husband obeying the wife or the wife obeying the husband?” We must put the horse before the cart. Who is the horse pulling the cart in every family? The horse pulling the cart in every family is the man. The horse goes in front and the cart stays behind. The weight of the cart rests on the neck of the horse.
21. Every family is likened to a vehicle or an aeroplane or a ship. Are you getting me? The driver or pilot, or captain of every family is the husband. Do you believe that? Every other person in that vehicle is a passenger, no matter the role you are playing. Every man is shouldering the responsibility of his family on his neck. What am I saying?
22. “Since total obedience to the man’s word brings real and lasting peace in the home, and that is my desire as a woman for my family so that I will raise my children in a peaceful environment, I will now obey my husband from today to the core.
23. Another reason why I should obey is to lay a good example for my children so that tomorrow, they won’t have any reason why they should be quarrelling with their wives or with their husbands, seeing that during their days with us, I endeavoured to live at peace with my husband.”
24. Hear me very well, every character is infectious; every character is contagious. Good character is contagious. Bad character is also contagious; more contagious than conjunctivitis—popularly called “Apollo” or chicken pox.
25. Watch children the way they come up in life; the first thing they manifest in life is what they learnt from their parents. This is because the first environment they are introduced to is their parents’ family. If our characters are dictated by people that surround us or people that we surround ourselves with, that is exactly what the children will learn.
26. The first people that surround the children are their parents. The first environment that surrounds the children is their parents and that is where character-moulding starts.
27. For example, if a woman is fond of telling lies before her children, does she love the children? She has destroyed the future of her children with her own hands. I likened that woman to a hen that used its beak to perforate the egg; a woman that teaches her child to live a cunning or crafty life; a life filled with lies; a rascally life. This is a hard statement. Only God’s children will capture it. The rest will feel offended. Amen.
Once you are married, your life is strongly connected to your marriage. -Son of Man
CHAPTER 6
YOUR FAMILY IS YOUR SECURITY
Remember that God is calling our names. We can change only if we want to change; but as long as we do not want to change, we can never change. Now I go to the Message proper: “WHEN THE SPARKS FLY IN YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP.”
2. Since we have agreed that no family is insulated or exempted or excluded from the sparking and flying of certain things from time to time, let’s see what God said concerning it: “No husband or wife of sound mind enjoys marital conflict,”
3. “FAMILY MENU vol. one, page 53.” If I read out something that you do not believe, lift your hand and oppose it. If I read out something you know is not true about life, say “no” to it. And say it loudly.
4. Verse 1: “No husband or wife of sound mind enjoys marital conflict no matter how little it may seem; but, it is all too common in almost all the families.” If it is true, say “amen.”
5. In other words, something we do not like, if we have sound minds, is something we see occurring in our families from time to time. Did we marry because of conflict? A man married so that he will have abundant peace; relaxation of mind. A woman married because of that same thing, if she is sincere.
6. Unfortunately, some do not marry because they want relaxation in their homes. Many married so that they will answer “Mrs. Somebody;” many married so as to take away the reproach that accompanies the un-marital estate. Some men married because they were compelled by their parents to marry, or what they were doing has forced marriage on them or their reckless living pushed them into it. Only few sat down at home, thought about marriage and then ventured out to look for an ideal wife.
7. The same way, only few women spoke to themselves, agreed with themselves that they needed a husband; that they wanted to form a home that will be called their own and then they started praying for an ideal man, an ideal husband to come to them.
8. Such people must have recoiled from their wild lives if they were wild before. And when they fuse with men with the same mind, their homes become a paradise; but, when people approach marriage in any other way than what I have described, that marriage must continue to “make noise” just few weeks after the wedding, and must remain “making noise” until it disintegrates or until one party dies.
9. What is more, the death of one party is freedom to the other; it is pleasure to the other, while in an ideal marriage, the death of one party is the death of the other, whether man or woman. The shock can hardly be recovered from till that one passes on.
10. That is why the love that binds a man and his wife is stronger than the love that binds that man and his father and mother. If it is not so to you, you are not married.
11. If your mother is sick and your wife is sick, and you have N10,000 which is the amount needed to save your wife, and N5,000 is needed to attend to your mother, who will you attend to first? If you really love your wife, even if somebody tells you that your mother is sick, the person is a part of your problem.
12. I mean that the nail or the hook on your leg is more important to you than the plane crash which killed your father or mother in Port Harcourt; but is it so with all of you here? Some love their parents more than their wives. I do not owe you any apology there.
13. If what affects your parents and relations gives you sleepless nights more than what affects you and your own family; is a sure sign that from the very beginning, you never married. Whether you are a man or a woman, this is the truth from God.
14. Let me ask you this question or use myself as an example. As long as God lives and I live, I can stay with my family in Onitsha for one year without going to Mbaise and still feel very happy; but I can never stay two, three or four days with my people at Mbaise and feel comfortable without rushing back for the sake of my wife and my children. How many know that?
15. In other words, wherever a man keeps his treasure there his heart is. Your greatest treasure here on earth is your family, that is if you have a family. You can marry without having a family. A family is a “resting place” for the man and his wife. If your family is not a rest house, you have no family. Wherever a man gets rest is his home. I do not know why people are feeling somehow about this Message.
16. Do you know the reason why people lodge in hotels for weeks here in Onitsha while their families are also here in Onitsha? This is because that is the only place they will find rest. Some will even tell their wives that they are going to Lagos on a business trip. They will just go to Bolingo Hotels Fegge, lie down there, sometimes without any woman for weeks.
17. When they want to come back, they will buy bread and every kind of thing for their families; they have come back from Lagos. They will look very much refreshed. Do you think that any man who does such a thing is crazy? He wants to save his life. He doesn’t want to die before his time. So, he now uses his money to buy rest.
18. Any man that is using money to buy rest in a hotel is duplicating his expenses. The highest, the best and the only approved rest your money can purchase for you is your wife. That is why the Hausa people call women paradise. Amen.
126. Please follow me gradually.
19. “No husband or wife of sound mind,”—not all husbands and wives have sound minds—“enjoys marital conflicts no matter how little it may seem, but it is all too common in almost all the families.” it is all too common.
20. From time to time, you see the man becoming too bitter; you see the woman becoming too bitter; you see hatred; you see variance; you see conflict; something that should be labeled the greatest abomination of the family.
21. Whatsoever that brings disunity in the home is the greatest abomination of that home. Until all of us begin to see conflict as an abomination, which we cannot gamble with, we can never eradicate it.
130. If you do not hate conflict, can you run away from it? If you are the type that loves conflicts, you take pleasure in them, you always want to teach the man a lesson or the man wants to teach the wife a lesson; it becomes iron-to-iron; a man-to-man affair; can problems ever cease in that family?
WOMEN SHOULD COMPROMISE WITH THEIR HUSBANDS FOR PEACE IN THE FAMILY
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f I am permitted to say something here, I will say it without mincing words. In fact, I will say it. I WANT TO REVERSE AN OLD TRUTH. Let me reverse an old truth.
23. Please hear me very well; from time immemorial, men have always been in the position of keeping quiet so that peace will reign, yet that peace has eluded those families and I now advocate that women should keep quiet so that peace will reign. I do not know whether somebody is catching what I am saying?
24. Why am I advocating it this way? If a man is angry, nobody is angry in the house, for the anger of the man does not last for more than ten minutes. No matter how angry a man is, if the wife can courageously touch the man’s cheeks, the man must smile. Before you know it, he says: “Let’s forget about that “thing.”
25. However, if a woman is angry, the hand of the man is like a dagger to her. I do not know whether I am making sense?
26. Women, learn to be quiet so that peace will reign. All along, the man has been a compromiser; compromising even his conscience so as to give peace a chance and yet that chance has not brought about the desired peace because it is always misinterpreted to mean weakness.
27. WOMEN, I NOW ADVOCATE THAT YOU BEGIN TO COMPROMISE WITH YOUR HUSBANDS, EVEN CONTRARY TO YOUR CONSCIENCE. Behave as if you are a fool. Regard your husband as the wisest man on earth so that peace will reign. Even if you know that he is foolish, bear with him in his foolishness.
28. Additionally, I believe, if you can do it, your husband will be very, very happy. In his foolishness, he will be a king in his house. Even when he does not deserve that kingship, give him that kingship anyhow and see whether that peace will not reign.
29. The cheapest being to appease is a man. It is always easier to pacify a man than a woman. A man does not hold his anger for too long, but a woman can hold her anger until she enters the grave. Amen.
30. Everywhere is not okay to me.
31. There is one weak nature women have, but I want to strengthen them there now. I do not know why they have that nature. Women forget good things more readily than bad things. Why is it so? It is because you want to live your life that way and this thing brings conflict in a family.
32. Any little problem in the house, you begin to rehearse what happened many, many years even when those things have no relevance with the thing that is happening presently; women will always tie them together to score a cheap point.
33. Begin to change your attitudes immediately so that peace will begin to reign in the Bride of Christ Ministry. Whatever you want your home to be, is what you want this Ministry to be, for your family is part of this Great Family.
34. If you are brewing trouble in your home, you are also brewing trouble here—in the Fellowship—because when you are not happy at home, you cannot be happy here; when your husband is not happy with you there, he cannot be happy with you here. Am I making sense at all?
35. I want to narrow it down.
36. Don’t tell me that you can be an angel at home and then a devil here, “na lie.” What you are in your home is what you are here. Even if you keep quiet, we know that the thing is happening within. Amen.
Any man or woman that hates bondage should not venture into marriage. Once you are married, you are not totally free again. You are restricted in your character—your dressing, your speech, behaviour e.t.c—that is bondage. -Son of Man
CHAPTER 7
HUSBANDS AS GODS TO THEIR WIVES
WHEN THE SPARKS FLY IN YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP,” verse 1: “No husband or wife of sound mind enjoys marital conflict no matter how little it may seem, but it is all too common in almost all the families.”
2. Why? This is because the wife finds it very difficult to obey her husband’s words, instructions, commands very quickly and quietly without murmuring; without grumbling; without bearing grudges; without asking questions or pretending to be asking questions. Amen.
148. These things were not written today. If you obey the one that affected the hair make up, your dressing and every other thing and you disobey this one, you are guilty of all. This is because the same Spirit that preached that one you obeyed is the same Spirit that preached the one you found very difficult to obey. Are they not contained in the same Message? They are in the same Message.
3. Therefore, you must obey all, whether favourable or unfavourable. How I wish that members of different Local Assemblies were here. I say how I wish that all Local Assemblies were here hearing this Message at the same time. Because they have refused to obey, almost all families in this Faith are boiling.
4. When they see Brethren, they suppress their feelings. Even those that are seen as suppressing their feelings equally have their own problems. Some are capitalizing on the Message: “Keep your disagreement within the four walls of the bedroom, for they are nobody’s business.”
5. They are my business as long as you are bringing the whole thing into the Faith. They are not my business if you leave this Faith, but once you still remain in this Faith, they are my business for you are polluting the Faith. Amen.
6. Every little step made, you give it another interpretation. Since you have been keeping it within the four walls of your bedroom, what have you achieved? Has the problem been resolved? You kept it within the four walls of your bedroom and yet what you are manifesting outside is a naked display of the conflict you are having at home; no pretences about it.
7. When you see a family that is living in harmony, you will know. When you see a family that is living in disharmony, you will know. Are you getting me?
8. Do we need a prophet here to tell us that Brother Tony does not agree with his wife, Sister Egbuna? When he wants to come to Fellowship, he comes alone. Once we dismiss, he will go alone as if the motor vehicle cannot carry all of them. One is avoiding the other or the two are avoiding each other.
9. If it is happening before us here publicly, you can begin to imagine the way they behave at home. Maybe it will be Sister and the son in one corner, the man at another corner looking like a stranger in his own house.
10. That is what it is because wherever the mother is that is where the children will go, whether you like it or not.
11. That is why a man may put his wife away, the moment he dies, the children will bring their mother back.
12. Look at Brother Ebenezer’s late brother, Chuks, who put away his wife many, many years ago. Immediately he died, his son went and brought the mother back.
13. In other words, the boy had been with the mother since. A woman can abandon everything, but not the children. Put away your wife, you have not put her away from her children. She will keep on buying gifts for them and visiting them. They will be visiting one another secretly and sometimes openly. They will be praying for your death. Any day you die, the woman will come back. Whether your people like it or not, your children must bring her back.
14. Anybody living in conflict with his wife is risking his life; you are risking your life. You refuse your wife’s food, you are stupid and foolish. Who gains and who loses? If you refuse to eat, does your wife do the same? She will just relax and empty her bowl: “Na you go tire.”
15. The best attitude towards conflict is not to reject food; the best attitude to conflict is peaceful resolution and then the dining table becomes a conference centre where you will eat and have fellowship with each other. When a man is eating on the same dining table with his wife, he is never in haste.
16. However, if you serve the man food alone, he only manages to satisfy the little hunger and then goes away because the appetite is no longer there not because of the taste of the food. He does this because he is treated with contempt. It is a big contempt for a woman to serve her husband food alone. I say it is contempt; a character that is worthy of imprisonment.
17. If you commit contempt in the Law Court, the court imprisons you. When you treat your husband with contempt, the first sign is isolation—you isolate the man. The next thing is that he is worth nothing before you.
18. I will read something, which we have been avoiding. No matter how we avoid it, God will never overlook His Word. Can God by pass His Words?
19. Verse 1 again: “No husband and wife of sound mind enjoy marital conflict no matter how little it may seem, but it is all too common in almost all families.”
20. Verse 2: “Note, there can never be peace in conflict. Typically, one spouse says something or acts in a way that irritates or provokes the other to anger”—one’s spouse, either your wife or your husband.
21. Anybody can act or speak in a way that provokes the other to anger.
Verse 3: “Voices are automatically raised and tempers flare up, igniting an emotionally charged argument with caustic remarks on each other. Then the sparks begin to fly from both parties uncontrollably.”
22. Brethren, why not pause a little. Is God bearing false witness? Watch what causes the problem: Typically, either your wife or your husband can make a statement, give instruction, and give orders in the house. It may not be giving orders in your house; it may be your husband turning down your request. I am telling you the truth.
23. Your husband has the right to turn down your request. Has God granted all our requests? Your husband can turn down your request because it is his right over you. He is to determine what you are to do at any point in time. It is on that note that husbands even cause their wives to stop work and place them where they want them to stay.
24. You cannot say “no” unless you want to leave his house. He knows where he needs your services most. Your husband can turn down your request even without giving you reasons, more especially where your request does not agree with his convenience.
25. For your request as a wife to be granted by your husband, it must meet his convenience. Your request may come at a time that is not convenient. If he says no and you begin to flare up that time, it is a manifestation of unbelief.
26. If you are a child of God, the first thing that will register on your mind is: “This man is my husband,” and you have enough reasons no matter who is involved; even if queries are raised by your director in the office or anybody at all, simply tell the person: “I wanted to be there, but my husband said no.” Even the Head of State cannot challenge it.
27. Nobody has ever challenged the instruction a man gave his wife. No law court in the whole world has ever annulled any. Take a man to court, the judge is only after his instruction: “Madam, did you hear him say this?’” You say “yes,” he will enter it in judgement: “What was your reaction?” He will write it down. Then, the court will wait. They will hear you talk blah, blah, blah, exposing your ignorance.
28. At the end of it all, you will be shocked when the judge begins to “dress you down,” calling you a stubborn and uncontrollable woman that lacks respect and humility. He will disgrace you out of the court because if you are intelligent, you should know that the words of your husband are final on any matter as far as you are alive.
29. You see why I warned concerning the Message “GENDER DISCRIMINATION.” If you do not have a balanced view of the Message, you will not know your limitation.
30. If you are a woman, what that Message said in summary is this: “Where your freedom stops, there, that of your husband takes off.” This is the summary.
31. The end of your freedom marks the beginning of your husband’s freedom. If you cannot understand this, one day you will develop penis. I am telling you the truth.
32. No matter how wise you think you are, you are not wiser than the Almighty God that placed these things in their sequence, in their perfect legal order. Any attempt to break it has always resulted in chaos.
33. I remember when we were handling a case at Nkpor between Brother IK Nwobodo and Sister Rose, and the relations of Sister Rose. It got to a point in the case when Sister Rose wanted to establish a point on what happened that day; how she had a miscarriage that started that day and ended that day. Then Bishop Nnachor rose up and said Sister Rose: “You are very troublesome. You do not want this case to be resolved. Can’t you see that you are making volatile statements that will trigger off trouble? Is it good to be troublesome?” When you refuse the good you are supposed to do, you cause chaos. Amen.
34. Let me tell you something, I want to see families in this Faith that will be courageous enough to place their husbands first and allow their husbands to be answerable to all things pertaining to the family as God placed it from the very beginning. I am answerable to my wife before God.
35. Even the Bible said that a man must give account of the wife of his youth before God—not a woman giving account of the man. For every mistake in the family, the man must own the responsibility. If there should be blame, it goes to the man not the woman.
36. That is why God said, “Obey before complain and allow the blame to be on your husband.” When the blame is on the husband, it is manageable, but when the blame is on the woman, it is highly controversial.
Listen carefully to me; Let me cite an instance. If you marry and it happens that your people start calling your wife names, but praise your good deeds, can anything be done to change it?
37. Once the community starts calling your wife names, nothing can be done about it. They have tarnished her image for good. But if the community praises your wife and calls you names, there is always a remedy. Once you as the man present one or two tokens before some people in the community, the case ends.
38. For a woman, this is hardly applicable. That is why a woman usually makes frantic efforts so as to earn a good name before her husband’s relations; so that her husband’s relations will see her as incomparable to any other woman, although the husband may be a naughty fellow, no problem about that—it is just a case between the husband and his kinsmen.
39. I really do not know whether I am talking to human beings? Since this Message was preached, I have never for one day mounted this pulpit to explain this Message: “WHEN THE SPARKS FLY IN YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS” This is because I purposely decided to allow you to read it over and over.
40. People ignored it; some dodged it craftily; but many things are happening, all of them confirming the Message to be true and perfect.
41. I thank God that you are all holding your copies of the book there.
42. Your husband is answerable to your family and let me tell you something: for your family to be unique, everybody is regarded as a child, a child born in the family and the number one child in that family is the mother of all the children. Regard your wife as one of your children. She is partly your child and fully your wife. I do not know whether someone is following what I am saying?
43. You are answerable. Even if your wife is guilty, you are the person that will stand for her. Even in the village, if the woman stands accused, it is the man that will come out and stand for her. Nobody sees the woman. Once you accuse a woman, you are indirectly accusing the man. The man owns the responsibility of the wife’s actions.
44. Women, I hope you understand the Message? If you understand it, then peace will reign henceforth. This will help us to know families that do not belong to God and families that really belong to God, for God is a God of peace. Wherever there is peace, God is there.
45. So, if after today that marital conflict remains there and peace does not come in, we will know that that family belongs to the Devil. Hallelujah!
46. St. Paul said, “Who is adequate to say these things? Only men like us, sent by God and not by men; preaching the word of God with God’s eyes upon us, trusting it in us to speak the truth.” No other person is adequate to say it.
47. When you pamper the truth, you promote evil habits. So, we are not here to flatter any man or to pamper the truth. Amen.
PROTECT YOUR FAMILY
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go further to verse four: “Then comes icy silence,”
49. “Ehn! Then comes what? The man automatically enters voice mail; the woman enters voice mail also. If anybody comes into the house, “Not available; try next time. The number you are calling cannot be reached.”
50. This is because the man has entered voice mail; the woman, voice mail. You know it is a dangerous position a phone can be in. In life situations, we call it “Sleeping Muranya.” The man can go into his bed pretending to be sleeping, when he is hearing every discussion that is going on in the house. The woman may lie down with her face downwards pretending she is sleeping, yet she is hearing every discussion going on in the house.
51. The same way, when your phone goes into voice mail, it will record the entire messages you received and keep all the missed calls. Then what is the essence of switching it off? It is recording everything for you.
52. Now, when there is icy silence, I wonder what the family will look like.
53. Now, married couples take note. If anybody should joke over this matter, it should not be you. If it is a good habit, God will not condemn it. We will pass it on to our children. But because it is a bad habit, God is saying “no” to it. It should be erased in our families.
54. Look at the way a little thing is degenerating into a big trouble to the point that the man and the woman will come into the house and nobody will say, “Good morning,” forget about “Remain blessed”—that one is too far. Because they have become devils to each other, “Remain blessed” is too far from them. But be courteous enough to call the devil “my Friend” for a while.
55. Yes, Judas was of the devil, yet Jesus called him, “My friend.”
56. “Friendship vanishes, love disappears, memories are but a pang; completely lost. Hostility takes over.”
57. The man may just see the wife and pass; the woman sees the husband and passes; all of them keeping quiet. Consider this picture and know whether it is a good one. A man sees the wife and pretends he did not see her; a woman sees the husband and pretends she did not see him in the same house. Moreover, their children are there watching the drama. These are people that want to raise children that will be faultless.
58. From time to time, one may make a body contact with the other and receive a severe reaction from him or her, usually my smacking off the part of the body that made the contact. Sometimes, one party may confront the other and say, “My friend, you must greet me today. I will greet you today and you must respond.” Is that the way you make peace?
59. Wait a minute. Whom do we think we are deceiving? We are only mocking ourselves not God. I want you to know that God sees everything that is happening in every family. He is not only seeing what is in your heart, but He also sees all your actions in your homes, toward your wife, toward your husband.
60. God is seeing the type of example you want to set for your children and yet, you want to raise faultless children when you are faulty yourself. Can a bad tree bring forth a good fruit? So, how can men being evil, bring forth good children? This is a serious matter. May we never allow this matter to lie low for one minute.
61. If this is the condition of your home, do not rest today. If it means spilling your last blood, do it. No sacrifice is too much to make for peace in the home. No sacrifice is too much to ensure that peace is achieved in the home. Not temporary peace, but lasting and enduring peace that will be contagious.
62. If what is causing the trouble is your salary, surrender it. If it is your pride, surrender it. If it is inherited habit from your parents, surrender it. If it is your social standing, surrender it. If it is the over protection of your self-ego, surrender it; whatever the thing is, surrender it. It is worth to surrender it so as to allow peace to reign.
63. Peace is so important that God said we should seek peace and pursue it; that we should follow peace with all men amidst holiness without which no eyes will see God, for God is of pure eyes that He does not behold iniquity.
64. I go further still on verse 4: “Then comes icy silence or chilly moment with both mates stubbornly refusing to talk to each other.”
65. Look at the phrase: “stubbornly refusing to talk to each other.”
66. “This frozen and arrogant relationship”—“I will give him what he wants. Is it because I have been quiet ever since he started misbehaving?” That is an arrogant relationship—“can last for days or weeks depending on the spiritual maturity of the individuals.”
67. For some, theirs will last for over a year because of spiritual immaturity. I have once told you here that nobody tells his wife that it is enough and she agrees that it is indeed enough. She can only agree after she must have spoken to herself.
68. let’s go further. Verse 5: “This condition creates an unhealthy atmosphere in the family with its attendant gloominess as can be noticed at a glance in the faces of the children in that house.’”
69. Brethren, have you seen the dangerous effects of all these nonsense? It is influencing the lifestyle of the children. It is reflecting in their habits and yet we are doing everything within our power to raise children that will be exemplary in behaviour; yet we are spoiling them by ourselves through what we are manifesting before them.
70. Verse 6: “This is the most favourable condition for the Devil to set his destabilizing and divisive work in motion and this must be avoided.’” 218. This kind of situation between the husband and the wife in the family gives the Devil a chance to shatter the entire family. Who permits this condition? The husband and wife; people that are claiming to be role models—Hei! We are going to be role models to our children,”— but just look at what you are doing, the so-called role models, and tomorrow you begin to blame your children.
71. God said, “If we are not careful the way we relate with each other as husband and wife, all we have been trying to build in our children all these years can be shattered in one second by one single misbehaviour we manifest before them because it is easier to copy evil than to copy good.”
72. Is there anybody here who is taught how to do evil? Is it not how to do good that people are usually taught?
73. People are only taught how to do good. Evil is inherent in every human being.
74. Verses 7 and 8: “At this point, nothing good can be seen in either the husband or the wife anymore.”
75. The two have become devils in human form.
76. “Memory is but a pang. Muscles are flexed while feelings are hot and hostile. This cannot engender peace but violence. In time, the anger subsides with the angry resentment and the apologies are exchanged if there is any element of godliness left in their hearts,” But where there is no element of godliness left in their hearts, no apologies are tendered. Amen.
God can never put peace or trouble in your home; you are the one that is to put peace or trouble in your home. The power is in your hands. -Son of Man
CHAPTER 8
WOMEN ARE EXTRIMISTS
WHEN THE SPARKS FLY IN YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP,” verse 9: “Sometimes, the extremist in this unwholesome behaviour, which is notably the woman.”
2. If you know that God told lies here, show by raising your hand. Women have been guilty of doing everything to the extreme. They can hardly hear “stop” when they should stop. They will like to go on when they should stop. They will like to drag it and drag it till the end, and God is calling them the “extremists.”
3. If you tell her that it is okay, you are just wasting your time.
4. “Sometimes, the extremist in this unwholesome behaviour, which is notably the woman, may begin to sob or weep after realizing her stupidity, but that will not serve as a restraint for a repeat occurrence at all.”
5. This is why in the traditional setup, women are sent back to their parents with masquerades. Some even bring their womenfolk together to send her packing back to her parents’ home. Go to most communities, you will find out that the people that often commit atrocities there are mostly women.
6. Equally, those who are often banished from the community are usually women. Those whose evil reports are often received by their kindred and womenfolk are usually women.
7. Hear me very well, too many men who died, died while the cases of their wives were being tried. The evil deed of a woman can kill the husband. The elders know this very well. They can even tell better.
8. This is why our people say that a man that is too fond of women must die prematurely. Check all the atrocities that invade a family, 99% of them are brought in by women. Whatever they want to do, they do it to the extreme.
9. If you ever heard a case of where a man gunned down his fellow man—scrutinize it very well—a woman must have motivated the man to do so. If a misunderstanding ensues between a man and his fellow man and the problem ceases to be resolved—look into it properly—you must see a woman “fanning the embers.”
10. She may say, “So, you just stood there looking at your fellow man get away with such wrongdoing; do you not know that it is a shame; that means he has won you. You are just too weak.” Before you know it, you roll your trousers and sleeves when you do not mean to fight. But if you then decides to fight just to show the woman that you are man enough, before her very eyes, the other fellow lifts you and slams your body on the ground.
11. And at that very time this happens, she has scored a point against you. Any day you talk to her, she retorts immediately: “I was there the other day when your fellow man raised you up—as huge as you are—and slammed you on the ground. It is only when you see women that you become very strong. You now want to beat me because you know you are stronger than me. Why not go outside and face your fellow men and see whether they won’t thrash you to scorn.”
12. Remember she was the one that lured you out. She is now teasing you with it. Amen.
13. Here me very well; our fore-fathers studied women very well and finally tagged them a name; that they fell an iroko tree with their mouths; that if a man should listen to what comes out of the mouth of a woman, he will have no other option than to behead her. This is the conclusion of our fathers.
14. Additionally, God is saying that women are fond of doing things to the extremes. If a woman wants to insult somebody in the compound, she does it incessantly, even till daybreak. If it happens to be the husband, she does the same thing even on the bed; she will even insult the man when he is in the bathroom taking his bath. If he happens to be eating on the dining table, it is still the same thing, the insults continue. Amen.
15. verse 9 again: “Sometimes the extremist in this unwholesome behaviour, notably the woman, may begin to sob or weep after realizing her stupidity, but that will not serve as a restraint for a repeat occurrence at all.’”
16. Upon all the crying she does as a result of her remorse; she may even cry to the point that the man begins to console her, yet she repeats the same thing tomorrow.
17. Verse 10: “Meanwhile, peace is restored at least”—note the word—“until the next disagreement.’”
18. This means the disagreement has not ended until the next one: “Well, we have peace for now. At least things are going on well for now. Let’s just keep watching.” Does this show that there is peace? There is a way she is behaving now; “Let me just keep watching and waiting for another day.”
19. Whatever you are expecting is what you will get. If you are expecting peace, you will get peace; if you are expecting trouble, that is exactly what you will get. This is because when you are expecting trouble, all your actions will be geared toward bringing the trouble. If you are expecting peace, all your actions will be geared toward bringing about peace.
20. Verse 11: “If peace is a temporary condition in the home, then it is not the abiding peace from God which comes from implicit and absolute obedience to God’s words and injunctions to His children.”
21. Implicit and absolute obedience to God’s Words bring about a permanent peace. Any other thing will bring ordinary temporary peace. You can never have peace in your home until you make up your mind to obey the Word of God implicitly and absolutely.
22. Man and woman alike, make it your habit—your resolution to obey God—even if it is against your lifestyle, obey it. It is for your own good. It will give you success. It will prolong your days here on earth. There is no hypertension case in any family where there is peace. Peace can never bring you hypertension.
23. Verse 12: “Any peace that is not enduring is an occasioned peace. Are you having an occasioned peace or an enduring peace in your home?’”
24. Verse 13: “Occasioned peace is necessitated when the husband surrenders his authority for a while to the wife.”
25. Occasioned peace comes about anytime the husband surrenders his authority to the wife and allows the wife to rule him and lead the family for a while. When the woman becomes the controller of the family and controls the man in everything, it will bring about occasioned peace.
26. Still on verse 13: “and this is a naked sign that the wife does not want to submit herself to God at all.”
27. Any woman that is not willing to submit herself to God will always like to control her husband in all things. She will dictate everything and the husband will become “follow, follow” or a stranger so that peace will reign. But any day the eyes of the man opens, any day the man breaks away from the grip of that woman and says, “Over my dead body”— that house will be set ablaze. It can never accommodate both of them.
28. This is because the man is no longer willing to dance to the tune of the wife. Know very well that that is not how God made it. God made it in such a way that the woman will follow the man and not the other way round.
29. The horse must go before the cart. Where there is no man, there is no family. So, the horse must go before the cart. Placing the woman before the man turns things upside down and it is a dangerous habit that must be avoided by all Sisters in this Faith; both married and unmarried.
30. What we witnessed in the hands of our parents should not influence us.
31. Please, let me digress a little: The greatest pastor is an interpreter. The most effective pastor is an interpreter.
32. What we saw between the people that called themselves our parents should not influence us wrongly. Most of us here came from families where our mothers controlled our fathers because of illiteracy, ignorance and poverty.
33. Most of our fathers were poor. Some of them had their wives doing business for which cause they were able to raise money and take care of them. They lost their leadership authority to their wives. The man became “Sidon look.” And they thought that that was a good way of life.
34. If you go to villages today and see the way a woman talks to her husband, you will not believe it. Some of them even call their husbands by their names: “Okwute, food is ready. Go and take your meal.’” The husband may just call the wife: “Cathy, I have heard you.” Some don’t even use any titles or names when addressing their husbands; not even, “My lord” or “Sir” or “My husband.”
35. When she brings food to the man, all you will hear is: “Come and eat; your food is ready;” in a tone that lacks respect and concern. Since the man has no job he is doing, he simply gets up and goes over to where the food has been served, for if he does not do so, he may die of starvation. Whether he was called a madman or a sheep, does not bother him. What is most important to him is the food placed before him.
36. And while he is eating the food, the woman will go on insulting him: “Long trouser; food master; you were born a food specialist, a glutton.” The man will just continue eating amidst all his sorrows.
37. I remember in those days when we were still in the primary school. If a boy is sent home for not paying his school fees and he goes to the father, the father tells him to go to the mum: “Go to your mother.” This is because the man hadn’t, even a perforated penny.
THE SECRET OF RUNNING A HARMONIOUS FAMILY
| L |
et me tell you, we came from useless families and most of us inherited these things, especially our women. If you see the way your mother dishes out order to your father, you may think it is a good thing. Before you know it, she starts insulting him. If she gives him food, she must accompany it with an insult.
39. Moreover, you learnt all these bad habits, carried them over to this Faith and God says, “No, disarm yourselves of all these idols you collected from your parents and allow the Word of God to cleanse you. Come, let me wash you by the water, which is the Word of God. Drop all the idols of the nations where I severed you, more especially, what you collected from your parents, habits that cannot help you; drop all of them immediately. Drop them, obey the Word of God, for God knows what is best for you.”
40. God is instituting a new generation in our day; brand new people; reformed and refined people that will move the age forward. God is raising prime movers, but many of us are setting the hand of the clock back. Amen.
41. Let go further. Verse 13: “f you can only enjoy peace in your home when you forfeit your position to your wife or when you yield your position to your wife or when you yield to her intimidating glances’, intimidating eyes, frowned face, flexed muscles, bony face , all aiming at intimidating you; ‘and utterances so that your neighbours will not hear your voices, let it be known to you that you are cementing unbelief in your home and at the same time digging your grave with your own hands.”
42. My people, do we have any truth there?
43. If the face of your wife frightens you, you have no other option than to endure. When you talk, she weighs your body frame from head to toe and you remember the very day she gave you a very hot slap—there are some women that can really slap hell out of some me—and you endured it knowing very well that you cannot retaliate. You often hear the man saying, “Well, I know why I am ignoring you. If I beat you up now, you will die; I know why I do ignore you.”
44. As he talks, he eyes the door with one of his eyes and in a single swift movement, he dashes out of the house—piaa—and runs away; a full-fledged man. Before you know it he dazzles into the corridor: “In fact, somebody will die in this house one day.” Who will die? It is you.
45. Please follow me gradually, I am not kidding.
46. There are certain women with frightening faces. I say frightening faces. When they are in fellowship, you think they are angels. When she rotates her eyes, she looks like a mermaid, very calm and graceful. When she talks, she does so in a very calm voice, giving you the impression that she has no problem, but if she gets wild and turns her eyes, you will marvel. All her fingernails will stand erect, ready to kill. The man will just find his way out of the house. The woman now gains full possession of the house. She slams the door every now and then. She beats up the maid, the children, even if their dog passes by—trouble—all in a bid to display her anger.
47. Even, as I am saying it here, there are some of them who are already angry, boiling inside. They are already scheming the fighting activity they will carry out today, saying in their hearts: “Well, this man, finish talking today and after the talking, we believe you will be going home to your house or will you follow us to our houses? Let these men who call themselves our husbands come home and misbehave and we will frighten them.”
48. Understand that the woman means to frighten her husband. The Holy Spirit said that if you yield your position to your wife because of her frightening face, you have already dug your grave. The very day she wants you to die is the day you are going to die. Amen.
49. Listen to me, do you know that it is more difficult to pull a goat to the market than to pull a sheep to the same market? The Igbos said that any man that yields his position to the wife is likened to a goat that is being pulled to the slaughterhouse. He has no decision of his own. He cannot control himself.
50. William Branham said, “He is a man without a backbone.”
51. The Almighty God revealed to me—not to you—the secret of running a good and harmonious home. What is that secret? Take a decision to live alone provided peace will reign. Can you hear me? Take a decision to live alone so that peace will reign and I reasoned that statementandI said, “Now, I know that God is talking about unbelief.”
52. The Scriptures said, “Let the unbelieving partner depart.”
53. In such a case, the Brother or Sister is not under obligation. ’Is that not true? If you are not willing to be my wife, I am equally not willing to be your husband. If you are ashamed of being my wife, I am also ashamed of being your husband; I am ashamed of having you in my house as a wife. I cannot be a husband to a woman who is having her way—married but alone.
54. I cannot be a husband whose name should be used as an ordinary trademark; you wear my name as a medal on your neck. It will never happen. Men of integrity do not permit it. God doesn’t permit it. God told us here that marriage is a fusion of tolerance and mutual understanding between a man and a woman bound by love; not by any other thing. I understand you, you understand me. I tolerate you; you tolerate me because we are in love. Are you getting me?
55. Go home and think about it: You tolerate me, I tolerate you; you understand me, I understand you. Why? This is because we are in love. Without love, we would not have come together.
56. Most of us married before we came into this Faith. So, it is not this Faith that brought us together. We were together before we came into this Faith. What brought us together? Love. What made us enemies now? “If you were disobeying me before now, do you think I would have paid your bride price? If you know the way you were obeying me before, follow me the same way now.” It must be the same from the beginning to the end.
57. That is why when the Church left its first love, God condemned the members and asked them to go back to their “first love.” The man must go back to his first love; the wife must also go back to her first love, if they were really in love. But if they loved any other thing—not a human factor—they misplaced their love.
58. If I loved my wife because of her money, I misplaced my love. If I loved her because of her beauty, I misplaced my love. I love her because of what she is, I call it “the human factor.” I saw a charisma in her, which is compatible with my own charisma. It has nothing to do with beauty or money or parents and things like that. When we came together, parents were not there, friends were not there. We were alone and then took our decisions before we went to our parents; so no external force influenced our love.
59. I know that many have never opened this passage for one day, apart from that time we printed it and distributed. Many rushed it and went away. If you know you have taken time to study this particular passage as a father, as a mother or as a family, show by raising your hand.
60. Many even studied it with wrong motives. They only go to it whenever there is problem in their families. You are studying it with wrong motives. If you want to study it, study it when the land is plain with a view to readjusting yourself, not with the view to condemning your wife or condemning somebody.
61. Can you see, only few hands, not up to four hands in a big congregation like this?
62. So, this one is meant for the Son of Man. That is His business.
63. If I go to the Message “MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE” and say something there, I know that many of you will get up and go home.
64. When some of you see conditions for polygamy, you quickly flip pass the page; “Conditions for Divorce,” you say, “Not my portion!” “When The Sparks Fly,” “Well, leave that one for now;” Balanced View of Women’s Adornment,” “Praise the Lord! The Son of Man is God indeed.”
65. I know the Son of Man will become Devil today to many here. I am everything for your sake. I know somebody might be querying why I am here: “Is it a Sunday school or what? I think there should be a Sunday school and after that, we shall talk about something else.”
66. There may not be another Message. Maybe after this one, we will go.
67. Please, do not help the Devil to destroy you by creating a conducive atmosphere for him to thrive in your home by you disagreeing with your wife or having conflict with your wife. Any irreconcilable condition in your family that will affect your children wrongly, please avoid it with all malice.
68. I want to see people smiling, but unfortunately they are not smiling. Sisters that used to smile each time I come here, not even one has ever looked into my face. Even Sister Egbuna, Sister Joshua, Sister Chika—not even one is looking at me in the face.
69. You know, they are in the front. When they make their eyes like this and see my eyes, they will just remove them. You better focus into my eyes and get rid of that problem than to bend down and allow the problem to continue.
70. Some say they will not change until their husbands have changed, but the Son of Man said, “With your good behaviour, you can win your husband’s love even if your husband is a stark heathen.” With your good character, you can win your husband, for no man hates a good treatment.
71. If you do me as you did to others, my heart will be glad. Is there any man that hates a good thing? Don’t tell me that your husband does not like good things. You have not done that which is good and he refused to appreciate it.
72. What am I saying? Sisters that are civil servants, do you know that by revelation, you should esteem your husbands higher than your directors in the office? There is no civil servant here that doesn’t answer her director “Sir;” her seniors “Sir;” but when she gets home, she can hardly answer her husband “Sir.”
73. Your husband who placed you in the house; who permitted you to be doing that work and that director of yours in the office, who do you value more? Which one do you value more? According to your own judgement which one is higher? Your husband or your director in the office?
74. Hi! Women, answer this question.
75. You respect your directors in the office to avoid query; you don’t want to receive query; you don’t want to be reprimanded. If you can accord the same respect and honour to your husband, to avoid his reprimands, to avoid his queries, your home will be peaceful.
76. Listen to me everybody. If you are a wife and you have a husband who is alive and you accord him that honour you give to people in your office, is it a crime?
77. Sometimes, you take permission to go for break, probably to buy something at Ose or Main Market. On your way back, you may bump into somebody you know very well who may want to discuss one or two things with you, but because of the fear of what might befall you in the office, you will be running and shouting: “Office, office; I don’t want this man’s trouble. I don’t want trouble to land on my head because I may be queried. I don’t want his rebuke, I don’t want his rebuke.”
78. If this type of spirit is in you and you use it to worship your husband, your family will be at peace. If you don’t commit offence, will you be given query? The person that is given a query is one that committed an offence.
79. For some women, they can courageously stay outside till 9pm or 10pm and feel comfortable with it. Often, you may hear: “What am I going to do at home? I think I feel more relaxed here where I am than at home.” For those who are fond of saying this, you are nothing but a goat that owns itself. Nobody owns you, for if somebody owns you, you should know that you will do all that is within your power to avoid his query.
80. Am I making sense at all? Yes sir.
81. No matter the way you look at it, we must admit our guilt before God so that correction can be effected. Where guilt is not admitted first, correction is impossible. As long as we are justifying our actions and blaming our husbands, the remedy will not come.
82. I want to relay a testimony here. Do you know, among the heathen in the traditional set up, when a woman offends her husband; the first sign is that her husband will stop eating her food. Secondly, her husband will stop having intercourse with her.
83. Am I making sense? Do we have elderly men here? Yes, is it true?
84. please follow me gradually.
85. This woman will never allow the elders of the land to know about it because the consequences might be very grievous. She will proclaim herself guilty, go to the market and purchase some items to pacify the man. These items include a cock, one jar of palm wine and four kola nuts.
86. Without anybody’s notice, she will gently carry the whole thing to her husband and kneel down before him, crying and weeping: “My husband, please, if I have offended you in any way, both in words and action, please forgive me! I appease you with this cock, palm wine and four kola nuts! Simply touch my head and accept me back as your wife that I may have peace henceforth!”
87. The man simply readjusts himself in his seat and then begins to talk. He will tell the woman everything to free his mind and say: “Because you have done this, I withdraw my intention to report your case to my people and the elders. Now, since you have recognized where you erred, I set you free; don’t do it again. Give me knife so that I can cut off the head of the cock.”
88. After cutting off the head of the cock, he will ask the woman to go and prepare a yam meal with it. Everybody in the house will eat and peace will be restored.
89. Look at the extent women of old used to go to make sure that peace reigned in their homes and you call them pagans. What makes you a child of God when you cannot even humble yourself before your husband and say, “I am sorry” from the depth of your heart?
90. Some will even go to their husbands for apology. When they get there, instead of them apologizing, they will open up a fresh case for hearing and judgment until the men will angrily order them out. Amen.
91. Brethren, from today, any woman that misbehaves herself before her husband to the point where the man now avoids her and her food, whether she likes it or not, she must go to the husband with a big cock and one carton of beer to apologize to him so that peace will reign. Amen.
92. If she does it the first time and offends again, she will be excommunicated. All of us will join hands to excommunicate her.
93. Again, from today, any woman that is excommunicated in this Faith must leave her husband’s home and go back to her parents until she is restored. If the husband is offended, he should be excommunicated alongside with her.
94. Brethren listen to me. I remember, during the war, Okonko Ndem of Radio Biafra will make his own announcement with his war propaganda saying, “Anybody that is surrounded by his enemies must be vigilant all the time.” Are you hearing what I am saying? Tony Enahoro will reply from Lagos, serving the interest of Nigeria and the Head of State—Gowon—by saying, “To keep Nigeria one is a task that must be done.”
95. I am saying, to make sure that peace reigns in our families is an uphill task that must be done and with one voice and one mind we can achieve it.
96. Remember that this peace is what eluded all the families on earth and that is what the enemy capitalized on to destabilize the entire human race. Wherever peace reigns, the enemy will not be happy with that family.
97. William Braham saw the Bride ahead of time— the Bride in preview—all dressed in costly array, in a single file. He said, “Their hands were moving the same; their legs, the same—everybody. There was not one walking zigzag.” He said, “This is the Bride of Christ.”
98. But before then, the Pentecostals presented their own, walking zigzag. The Voice said “no.” The Americans presented their own style, the Voice said “no.” While he was watching and watching, a small group, a minority, made up of men and women and infants, lined up in costly array, looking immaculate, their hands moving the same, their legs moving the same, their eyes in one place; the Voice said, “This is the perfect Bride of Christ.”
99. If your family is in order and mine is in order, nobody will warn his children never to associate with this family or that family. My children can come to you and feel free; likewise, your children can come to me and feel free. But if your family is not in order, I will not allow my family to mingle with your children, lest you pollute them. Amen.
100. Now, verse 15: “Note that every woman aims at intimidating her husband, mesmerizing him to a state of mental stupor.”
101. Any woman whose aim is to make a mess of her husband until he becomes an imbecile, is intimidating. Don’t you know that a man can marry a wife that will make a fool out of him? Any action he takes, the woman will “yell” at him. He touches one thing, the woman yells. He touches another, the same thing until the man becomes totally confused. He begins to act foolishly.
102. In order for peace to reign, he would choose to become “passive” in the home. Come rain, come sunshine, he will keep calm over all matters in the family. Even people of questionable character will be coming in and leaving the house, but he will close his mouth for the fear of talking himself into trouble.
103. Every woman aims at intimidating her husband, harassing him, until she has unnecessary control over him. The Holy Ghost said, “mesmerizing him to a state of mental stupor so that he will merely be a passive husband and a beast of burden in providing her needs.”
104. The only thing the man is good for is providing her meals and catering for her children’s needs; a “Siddon look” type of man. Any woman who has this pattern of thinking, is she a good woman?
105. Verse 16: “Such women do not consider the physical, psychological, mental disposition and socio-economic challenges before their husbands on a daily basis at all.”
106. If you are a sensible woman, before you utter a word towards your husband, you weigh his condition first. A sensible woman should realize that once the condition of things gets awry, the man may refuse to be as liberal as he was.
107. Before you talk to your husband on any matter, you first and foremost find out his condition because if you do not know his condition, he may become quarrelsome over petty issues. This is because there is something you may demand from your husband at a time that is not convenient and it becomes mockery. Sometimes, it may even mean trying his patience.
108. For you to survive if you are a wife in the hands of your husband, you should realize that “no” means “no;” “stop” means “stop.” “Wait till next time” is an answer; “no” is an answer; “yes” is an answer. “Until further notice,” is an answer; “I will consider it, but not now” is an answer. “It will be at my own discretion” is an answer.
109. If you are not intelligent, you may begin to talk nonsense; before you know it, a minor issue is polarized. Then, tempers will begin to rise. This is why nobody should know the disposition of the man more than the wife. The wife is even in a better position to tell people—even her relations and the relations of her husband—the right time to approach her husband on any matter.
110. There is a time the man may have the money, but he does not need any disturbance; there is a time he needs nothing but rest. There is a time he may be passing through what I call “latent trouble;” “endemic trouble.”
111. He may be trying to grapple with his business; he may be trying to put himself together. He may be facing some opposition here and there. His life might even be in danger and the man is trying to escape for the sake of his family. He would not like to endanger himself. He may even be giving you instructions to save your own life, for he may be seeing dangers around you, which you may not have seen. Amen.
112. You see, I thank God for everything. Any man that reveals to his wife all the bad dreams he has had concerning her, is a fool. He is not intelligent. There are certain things you see around your wife—and you know they are from the Lord—you just keep them to yourself and go into prayers and then begin to guide your wife, lest she becomes a victim. And you dare not say it until you are sure that victory has come; so it is to many of you here.
113. There are some dreams you will reveal and you put somebody in bondage. Some of them might have seen conditions around them, depicting that evil or death is knocking on their doors, but they can hardly say it, why? A dog that is destined to die does not perceive the odour of faeces. If a car is about to kill someone, does it give him prior notice? The answer is no. Amen.
114. Verse 17: “Their self-ego very much infatuates their eyes and mind that they cannot consider any other thing than their egoistic tendencies. This person should rather be called a lady than a wife.”
115. Verse 18: “If peace can only come when your husband is harassingly and embarrassingly subjected to dance to your tune, you are no longer a wife, but a lady and should be avoided because ladies put husbands into their graves prematurely.”
116. If your husband does not carry out your wish, there will be no peace; if he does not obey your dictates, there will be no peace. This has killed so many men. Make sure you love your wife with the Love of God. Do not give your wife the type of love a certain man professed to his wife and finally got into the woman’s vehicle after which he was drowned together with the woman in River Niger. The corpses of the man and his son were recovered, but that of the woman was nowhere to be found. This is because somebody who wants to die always clutches at an object.
117. Was she the only one that parked her vehicle along the River Niger? Was it not in the same vehicle that the man and his son were found? Why is it that after they brought out the vehicle, they could not see the corpse of the woman? Who knows where each and everyone come from?
118. When you are being dragged along, be conscious of where you are being dragged to.
106. Verse 19: “A woman dances to the tune of her husband at all times and in all matters because it is God’s injunction. Behaving otherwise or assuming another stance is ungodly and hateful in the sight of God.”
119. Verse 20: “There can never be peace in any family where the wife finds it very difficult to obey her husband’s words quickly and quietly without grumbling and without challenging the man’s words or instruction with the pretext that she is asking him a question.”
120. Verse 21: “Believe it if you can; peace is subject to total obedience to a superior authority.’”
121. But a fool can never acknowledge and concede authority. There must be a superior partner in every agreement. Even in tenancy, if you share a flat with somebody, there must be a superior partner—such is life.
122. Any woman that wants to live in peace in her marital home must of necessity concede and acknowledge her husband’s superiority over her at all times and in all matters.
123. Verse 22: “Nobody challenges or strives or demonstrates against a superior authority and gets away without reprisals from God and her husband.”
124. Verse 23: “Note that a harsh speech may leave emotional scars that linger long after the dispute has ended. Arguing may lead to violence.”
125. Verse 24: “A wise woman should not read only the portion of the Message ‘Bridge to Peace’ that gives her sensual pleasures but should show very strict concern to that area of the Message which makes for an enduring peace in the home and by so doing forestall possible sparks that may fly off in marital relationships.”
126. Verse 25: Of course, because of human imperfections, problems in marriage are sometimes unavoidable.
127. Verse 26: Still, frequent and intense disputes should not be dismissed as normal. It is evidently clear that a pattern of quarrelling or disagreement increases the likelihood that a couple will eventually divorce.
128. Verse 27: “Hence, it is very important that you and your wife take this Message Bridge to Peace very important for a sustainable peaceful marriage with great rewards.”
129. On this note, I say may the God of Peace usher enduring peace in our families as we obey thisMessage in our various homes.
130. Remain blessed Brethren